3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
