im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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