My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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