She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
