if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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