I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
