Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
