Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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