We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
