no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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