There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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