I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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