he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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