Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
