She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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