we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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