guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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