You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
