shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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