I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
