he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
MIDGETS
????
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sext me about skeletons
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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