girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
