Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
