OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
