There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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