You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
