Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
