At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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