I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
