dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
