I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
