I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
