were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
