sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
