He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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