the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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