Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
