pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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