I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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