All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
