she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
