You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
