I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
