WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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