just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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