i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I love you. Go after that dick
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
