we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
