where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
