and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
