she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
